Fandom: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Author Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Characters: Remus Lupin, Sirius Black
Additional Tags: Slash
Summary:The day Remus considered opting towards the other side, and then didn’t.
Author Note: OMG I wrote puppy slash!
The letter hadn't really come as a surprise. Remus had known that it would arrive sooner or later. That he would have to decide of what he wanted to do for the rest of his life. But what did he want in his life? To be true, he wasn't really sure. Was what he had now, fulfilling enough to survive on? To be able to keep strong no matter how hard it could get? What would happen if all of this would fall away, where would he be then?
So wouldn't it just be simpler, to go the other path. Follow the ones that he could call familiars, who would understand to the smallest detail of what he was going through. Those who would change there with him, and spend the night as equals. But then, what offers would give that to Remus for the rest of his life? Would he always have to live as an outcast? Would he have to leave the people behind that he called friends? What about food? Lodging? Clothes? Warmth?
Remus let out a heavy sigh and closed his eyes for a moment.
There were so many questions and for once he didn't know the answer. He, Remus Lupin, one of the brightest students in his year; who knew nearly all the answers to almost any question possible, suddenly didn't have an answer anymore. The answer to his future. Everyone else seemed to be knowing of what they were going to do, of how their future was supposed to look like. Only Remus didn't. But how could he? How could he risk anyone's life, by working somewhere in the public area? How would one ever take him, when they would find out about his affliction.
So maybe leaving all of this behind, all of this that he had worked so hard for, would be the best decision.
Letting out a heavy sigh, Remus forced his eyes to open and stare down at the letter in his hands. Leaving them would hurt, leaving his pack would tear him apart, but it would keep them safe at the end of the day, and that was all that counted.
"Remus? There you are Moony! I was looking all over the place for you!" Remus snapped his head up in surprise as he heard Sirius's familiar voice, the letter crumbling in a little in his palm.
"Sorry, I just needed some fresh air," he replied once he had finally found his composure again. Watching quietly as Sirius came to sit on the ground beside him.
"Is everything alright?" Sirius asked quietly, and Remus was about to lie. He would tell Padfoot that everything was fine, how could it be not. He would tell him that he had a simple headache. It was going to be that easy. No big trouble. However Remus found that he couldn't, that making a decision about his future had suddenly become once again increasingly difficult. It suddenly didn't seem that black and white anymore. Because Sirius was there, and Sirius would always be there. No matter how much Remus would refuse, Sirius was going to be at his side.
And what is it in Remus's right to refuse that? To ignore the feelings that he haboured inside of him for the other man? Feelings which he knew that Sirius shared. If they only were human feelings, then it could have been simple. One could always find another partner to be happy, he had seen Sirius do that often enough. But no. Remus Lupin didn't do simple. Of course Moony had fallen as well for the dog and the man. Needed his closeness as much as Remus needed it. And how was Remus supposed to explain to the wolf that he had left his mate because he didn't want to hurt anyone? He would tear himself apart in process.
"I..." Remus started, but the words just wouldn't leave his lips.
"Moony?" Sirius inquired once more, and Remus turned his gaze to look at the other man. He could see real concern there, and his was sure that he his heart had just skipped a beat, making him feel rather sappy for a moment.
He looked back at the letter in his hand, which had somehow managed to crumble in his fist. Biting his lower lip, Remus shook his head and then threw the now balled up letter lightly into the air. Pulling out his wand out of his sleeve and murmuring a quiet incendio, feeling a heavy weight lift from his shoulders as he watched the ashes slowly rain on to the grass.
"I am fine, more than fine," Remus finally managed to murmur, grinning as he saw Sirius's confused expression.
"Are you sure?" Sirius asked again, and Remus felt a real smile appear on his face.
"Yeah I am sure," he repeated, moving to get up seconds later and hold his hand out to Sirius. "Come on, last one at the Three Broomsticks has to be pay the first round," he said with a grin and then started to run off.
So, even if Remus had no answer to his future as of yet. Nothing in the world would make him leave this behind.